And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
