So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
