she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
