just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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