I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
