is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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