and my herpes radar will keep us safe
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
