yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
