That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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