chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
You smell like stripper and shame
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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