The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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