Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
