Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
