Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
