we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
