please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
