You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
