dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
So apparently I’m into choking now
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