thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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