how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
