And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
