I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
