I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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