all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
