Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
