Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
