Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
