is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
