yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
