Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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