Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
