I just saw a hot homeless man
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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