Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
