just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
