Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
