I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
