Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
