Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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