I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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