plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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