and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
