Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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