we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
