idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
