Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
