Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
