I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
