I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
zippers are such a cool invention
is wine microwaveable?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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