And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
