Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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