ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
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