Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
